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THE MYTH OF GENDER-FREE PARENTING by Dr. Harold Sala Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. 1 Corinthians 16:13 At age three, Charles Ballard was abandoned by his father. At age seventeen, he, himself, became a father but walked away from his son, just as his dad had done fourteen years before. By age 25, he was a convict in a penitentiary, having been sentenced on a drug charge. But in prison, like the prodigal Jesus told about, he came to his senses and determined to make something of his life when he was released. He did, too. First, he earned a high school equivalency diploma, then a college degree, and then a master's degree. In the process he was reunited with his son and began working in a local hospital. Ballard was struck by the number of single women who came to the hospital, pregnant, alone and with little hope of making it in the world. Ballard began speaking to young black men, urging them not to make the mistakes he had made, and began helping families to connect. Today, more than 3000 men have gone through his program and scores of families have been united. Today, there is a myth that dads don't count, that parenting should be gender-free, and that having peace in a home is more important than having a dad there. That, of course, is based on the myth that having a dad creates more problems than it solves. Nothing could be further from the truth. A study done by sociologist David Popenoe of Rutgers University documented the importance of men when it comes to families and to the welfare of children. His research demonstrated the following: 1. Married couples have higher incomes and assets than do singles. 2. Children of single-parent families are twice as likely to drop out of school and three times as like to live in poverty as children from two-parent homes. 3. Married men and women are healthier and live longer than do singles-which prompted one man to pun, "Want to live longer? Then get married and die slowly." 4. Individuals who are married are generally happier and more content with their lives than those who are single. What do dads add to the development of a child, apart from putting food on the table? Plenty, say developmental specialists. First, parenting styles of men and women differ greatly. Men are more physical, women more emotional. Both help a youngster understand who he is. Clinical psychologist David Horn writes, "No matter what the advocates of 'gender-free parenting' may say, mothers and fathers do parent differently. Mothers tend to be more verbal, whereas father are more physical. Mothers also tend to encourage personal safety and caution, whereas fathers are more challenging when it comes to achievement, independence, and risk-taking. And mothers tend to be stronger comforting figures than fathers, who are more intent upon establishing and enforcing rules governing the behavior of their children." Continuing, he says, "The fact that mothers and fathers parent differently is not to say that one group does it 'right' or 'better' than the other. What children need, to develop good character, is the combination of what mothers and fathers bring to the parent equation." For some, all the rhetoric about the importance of dads is much too late. You are a single mom and you face the task of doing it by yourself. It wasn't your choice that you became a single parent, but neither must you despair. But for you who have tended to believe the lie that all men are good for is making babies and perhaps bringing home a paycheck, think again. When God chose to put together a male and a female as parents, he knew what was in the best interest of our children, to say nothing of the importance of a dad in leading his family spiritually. And that's a fact. Resource reading: 1 Corinthians 16